|
| Hello my poor, dear, unused xanga! :]
I used this like... what. Twice last quarter? It'll probably be the same for this quarter... which I guess isn't even that bad. Everyone else I know stopped using xanga forever and a day ago. :P Except for... people who aren't in college. Oh, Chris used xanga pretty recently. I guess that the only reason why I'm using it is because I was re-reading old entries last night and I looked at Thomas' old xanga a few days ago.
I should be typing up a two-paged, double spaced paper for Warren Writing, but I'm... doing this instead. I'll do it after I'm done with this. My motivation to work on my paper left me after I started looking at amazing pictures taken with beautiful Nikon cameras. I'm so jealous of my cousin. One of my lifelong goals now is to get a really pretty camera and go on adventures with friends in order to take fun pictures that I like. :] Too bad the camera will cost me approximately $600 and I have to use money to pay for college. ... Thinking of adventures is distracting me even more. Hmm... I need to think of something else.
I read The Little Prince! :] I think that Steve recommended it to me even though it's a children's book... He said that I'd like it. I wonder what that says about me... Haha, just kidding. I know exactly what it says about me but that's okay. I already know that I'm a little kid. Anyways, it was a pretty good book! The first half was... random confusing but the second half was random but in a way that made sense. One part that I really liked was when the little prince met a fox on earth. The fox asked the little prince to tame him but the little prince didn't know what tamed meant so the fox told him that it meant "to create ties." I took it as tame=to be attached. Look look. :]
"For me, you're only a little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you I'm only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But, if you tame me, we'll need each other. You'll be the only boy in the world for me. I'll be the only fox in the world for you... But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I don't eat bread. For me wheat is of no use whatsoever. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..." (p. 59-60)
I don't know why the fox wanted the little prince to tame him, because the little prince ends up leaving anyway... The fox gets sad and when asked if he got anything out of being tamed, the fox said "I get something because of the color of the wheat," meaning that he can never look at the color of wheat the same way since it reminds him of the little prince. It's kind of like how we associate objects with other people/instances in our lives. I think that this book explained a lot about how people are attached to each other in different ways but sometimes we don't even realize it because during the second half of the book, the little prince is on a journey and ends up finding out that he's very attached to his flower that he left back home. Yep yep. And the secret that the fox leaves the little prince with is "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes." (p. 63)
There are other interesting parts, but I think that the part with the fox is my favorite. :] It was a pretty fun book to read. Hmm... I feel like I need to do something fun with new people because I want a little bit of change. I'm usually scared of change but I think that I want it when I realize that my close friends are going through changes without me. I want to go on a photo adventure this weekend. :) I lovelovelove living so close to the beach.
P.S.
I kind of want to go see Joshua Radin in LA on the 21st. Too bad I have to study for midterms that weekend. :[
x0x0-ashley | | |
| It's now December and I'm going to move out of my house and into an apartment in La Jolla within three weeks! I'm going to start UCSD on January 5th and finally be at the place where I will spend the next 4 years(approximately). I'm really excited/nervous/scared/anxious so I kind of want to just leave RIGHT now and start already. But I have a few more weeks at home to spend, enjoy, and cherish. :] At the beginning of the quarter, I thought that I had something to learn while staying behind at home for a while... but I haven't figured out what that something is. Nothing has really changed much. My relationships with my family members haven't really changed at all because I haven't left home yet... My relationships with my close friends haven't changed much either. I just don't see them at school anymore. I still talk to them enough, too, which I am esctatic about. :D Hehehehe like I still talk to Gloria a lot a lot. Soo much, actually. It's fun. :] I hope that continues while I'm at SD... I really really hope so! And I talk to Emily, Jason, and Vincent online... sometimes over the phone and text. I love how I feel comfortable and know that they're there for me whenever I need to talk to them and how I can tell them random things at random times... and have them do the same with me. Because of how hard it was starting out at Pioneer during freshman year of high school, I wasn't too sure of how starting out college would be but it was okay. :] I'm so incredibly glad/thankful for that too.
In a few weeks, I'm going to have to start all over again!... again. Hahaha, I think that it should be okay, though. It'll just take time to settle in and such. But maan. Leaving De Anza is kind of harder than I thought it was going to be. I expected to make friends, study, and not do much with people outside of school... but the unexpected always seems to occur, doesn't it? Because I met cool people and I had a really awesome chem lab teacher that I wish I could have at UCSD. *sighh* Oh well, it's okay. It's just one main person that I'm going to miss lots and lots only because I attached myself to him over the last three months and we've become really good, close friends. It's kind of crazy how well you can click with people. But yeah. There will definitely be keeping in touch. :]
It's so weird liking someone after a short while and then having to leavee. Or just liking someone who's far away in general. It's weird how I like such random people in general... Darn infatuations. I become infatuated with the randomest kids and they turn out to be so cool. xD They have to be new people, though, or else it doesn't work... I can't have known them previously before. But yeah, nobody knows what I'm talking about so I'm just going to stop now. xD It's 2:20AM and I'm only online because Gloria Lee has stuff to tell me. She's being a crazy girl... Coincidences are funny but unfortunately circumstances are not. Liking people is always so unexpected.
x0x0-ashley | | |
| I hate feeling forgotten. I'm keeping pretty busy but I'm not distracted. Homework, work, school, etc. keeps my thoughts preoccupied for only so long. Sometimes it's not that fun to be a reflective person with a pretty good memory. I've kind of gone through this before so it's not that bad. A lot of people at De Anza are usually busy with their own schedules and keep to themselves so I don't feel too lame when I'm by myself walking to class or doing homework in the library. :P I've made new friends and they're actually really nice. It just sucks that I'm so busy these next two weeks... We want to go watch a movie together. :/ And I think that I might fail Calculus.:] I'm okay in Chem and ICS, though... So.. hm. We'll see. I want to leave and have my own new college experience but I can't. I think that there's something that I'm supposed to learn from staying behind for a quarter. I kind of think that I know what I'm supposed to learn or get out of this experience. I know that I need to grow up, meet new/different types of people, let go of people. Emphasis on the last one. I'm working on it.
x0x0-ashley | | |
| You can never really know someone completely. That's why it's the most terrifying thing in the world, really- taking someone on faith, hoping they'll take you on faith too. It's such a precarious balance, it's a wonder we do it at all. And yet...
- a quote from A Great and Terrible Beauty. Yes, it's a girl book. :P
People have changed. That's for sure. Change isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. I've realized that and I'm learning to deal with it. I think that people constantly learn how to deal with change, though, so I'm not that far behind in growing up. ^^; It's kind of crazy how much I'm growing up during senior year. At least I think that I'm growing up a lot this year. xD Maybe I'm not growing up at all. Maybe I'm regressing. Oh dear, that would be bad. xP It's okay Jason, I'm really becoming older than 8, I swear. Hehehe.
Anyways, people are changing and growing up differently. I'm sorry if I haven't taken your change very well at some point over the recent years. I care about you guys so much that I adjust to the changes kind of emotionally. ^^; I hope that hasn't driven you guys to withdraw from me; at least not too much. Even if you have drawn away from me, I hope that you guys stay strong and know who you really are. Because I've been becoming more and more exposed to drugs and drinking, I've been thinking a great deal about those two subjects. I don't understand why people choose to do drugs and drink, but I can't judge at all. I understand that drinking and getting high loosens people up, loosens the mood. But, I hope that people can experience relationships in which they don't need to consume substances in order to feel carefree, relaxed, and totally themselves. I understand the concept of experimentation and curiosity. That's fine. Just be careful, please. That's all I can really say about that. Like I told Janester, "I know that friendships have been rough this year, but never EVER back
down on being the best person that you can be. Going down the wrong
path isn't worth losing good people as friends. I know that it's hard
to be a good person, I know that it's tempting to just distract
yourself with mischief. Adrenaline and risk are thrilling and actually
quite amazing. BUT... We have to be in control. You can lose yourself
to adrenaline and risk. Just remember that."
I hope that I can have friendships in which I can trust people to accept me for who I am- ignorant, naive, and little kiddish- and are able to talk to me about things that I disapprove of like drinking, drugs, and stealing stuff. I'm not going to try and change you guys, I just want to know what's going on in your lives. Maybe I'm too controlling and OCD, but I truly care. I want my friends to trust in that I won't blow up in their faces and scold them for doing things that I disapprove of. And even if I do blow up, that shouldn't end the friendship. Communication is key. and blowing up is a form of communication. Without communication, I don't know how you have a relationship despite what Vincent thinks. :P He might know how you can have a relationship without communication, but I don't know how to. He thinks differently than I do. Is putting a friendship on the line worth keeping secrets? You tell me because I don't know how you guys think. :P I do know this, though!
This was quite a serious note. You guys are the ones I felt closest to or cared a lot about during middle/high school. I love you guys. :)
x0x0-ashley | | |
| You're happy now.
And that's all that matters.
I'm getting over it, now! I really am, I promise.
It's so weird, because you used to talk to us the way you talk to her.
I guess that it doesn't really matter that we don't talk much now
because you're happy. You're fine. :] I shall miss you.
I'm not going to bring stuff up anymore. I pinky promise. :)
x0x0-ashley | | |
|
